Unconventional
by KamalaC
Summary: Graverobber has a problem: An annoyingly clingy girlfriend. Shilo has a problem: A useless boyfriend. Living together sometimes has its advantages in these circumstances. Slight Grilo at the end.


Disclaimer: Graverobber and Shilo are not mine. Gillian and Useless are, but anyone else who wants them can have them. Fic is purely for entertainment, not profit.

Note: I haven't seen the stage play, only the film. So anything that they changed, I don't know about. Don't really think it matters though. Set some time after the Opera.

Thanks to: Forestwater, for the beta. For having such a scary profile, you're a real sweety.

"And then she had the gall to tell me that my scars were tacky! Can you believe it? And then…"

"Mmmhmmm," Graverobber muttered as he counted the credits in his hand. He wasn't paying much attention to the woman at his side, since she had all her clothes on and wasn't interested in his wares. He'd met her about a month ago, and had been quite willing to climb into bed with her. Now he was getting tired of her, especially since her range of conversational topics consisted of her looks, her dreams, and her oh-so-tragic life. Plus, she was getting clingy, and Graverobber hated clingers. Unflushables, he'd heard them referred to as, and he laughed at the mental image of trying to flush Gillian down the toilet.

"I know! Isn't it funny?" Apparently the girl had made a joke. Graverobber just smirked and kept walking. Gillian was driving him nuts – always following him around, claiming that they were destined to be together, and worse, telling his clients that he was her boyfriend. The increase in people paying cash was nice, but it simply wasn't proper for a Dealer to be dating someone like that.

"So I told her that I couldn't make it tonight, since I was going on a date with my boyfriend." Graverobber shuddered, and returned to glaring at the money in his hand. "So, why haven't you taken me back to your place yet? You've seen my apartment, why can't I see yours?" Gillian grabbed his arm, pressing her ample chest against it. The taller man fought the urge to growl at the silly cow. Take her back to his place? _Hell, if the kid sees this I'll never hear the end of it. She loves it when I fuck up with women._

_Wait a minute. Shilo…_

Graverobber had effectively moved into Shilo's house with her a few months after her father's death. He taught her about life in the real world, and she taught him about things like medicine and bugs. And made sure he had food and a dry place to sleep when he wanted it, which wasn't to be sneered at.

Slowly turning his head to view Gillian, Graverobber mused on what her reaction would be to him living with another woman. Probably unfavourable. Excellent.

"Now that you mention it Gilly," he spoke slowly, weighing each word carefully, "I haven't shown you the old homestead. We're not that far, if you'd care to view it…"

"Eeeeee!" Graverobber flinched at the shriek of joy. "Thankyou darling! I want to see your home, see where it is you hide during the days when you can't be with me! After all, I'll probably be spending a lot of time there in the future. The sooner I see it the better!"

Sniggering to himself, Graverobber offered Gillian his arm and set off to the creepy old house. It was almost daybreak anyway – time for all respectable Dealers to be headed to bed. The kid should be home still – and even if she wasn't, her stuff strewn all over the house should be enough to put the spooks up Gillian.

He let her chatter on as they walked, confident that he wouldn't have to listen to it for much longer. The incessant noise faltered as they stopped outside the gate while Graverobber fished around in his pockets for the key.

"You… you live here? Really?" Graves could hear the greed in her voice. _Probably already planning a wedding, and what she'll do with the place once she gets her hands on it. Tough shit, sister, the house already has a Lady._

Finally finding the key, he unlocked the gate and stepped aside, ushering Gillian in. He bounded up the path and repeated the actions with the front door, smirking as she looked around in awe. _Yeah, not what you expected from a lowly grave-robber, is it?_ Keeping his mouth shut for the moment, Graverobber spared a thought as to what the place would look like to a newcomer.

Shilo had cleaned up the place a lot, and now tended to leave the windows and curtains open all hours, leaving the house feeling less like a tomb and more like a fridge. In the two years since stopping her medication, her constitution had improved remarkably, and the kid now seemed to have an immune system to rival Graverobber's.

As a result of the constant winds, however, the house was always littered with leaves from the garden, and any clothes left lying around tended to be blown into weird places. Graverobber looked up again, smirking at a pair of Shilo's panties which had gotten tangled in the miniature chandelier above him. She still hadn't figured out where they'd gone.

"This is so… wonderful, darling! I never imagined that you'd have such a beautiful old house! I just –" Gillian broke off as she saw a jar containing some sort of bug. "Uh, honey? What's that?"

Graverobber peered at it for a moment, trying to remember what Shilo had said it was. She was immensely proud of having found one, that he knew. He then spied the little card next to it, covered in Shilo's spidery handwriting. "Ah, I think that one's _Reduvius personatus_. Originally from Europe, apparently, but imported to America at some point. Shilo'd know better."

"Oh… okay…" Gillian stepped away from the bug and continued to look around. _Hmm, so the bugs aren't enough to put her off… and she didn't ask about Shilo. Time to step up the game_. Graverobber stepped up behind Gillian and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"How about I give you the tour later… for now, we can skip to the bedroom." He nuzzled the blonde hair in front of him as he started to push her up the stairs. Rolling his eyes as Gillian moaned with clearly faked excitement, Graverobber started to undo her shirt. Shilo didn't seem to be present, so a little fun before the break-up wouldn't hurt.

Discarding the shirt at the top of the stairs, Graverobber turned and pushed Gillian into the room next to Shilo's. He'd been in the kid's room several times before, but somehow the thought of screwing a girl under the watching posters of Blind Mag had always creeped him out. Gillian started to lower the zip on her skirt, attempting a seductive look, when she froze, looking at a pile of clothes on the floor.

"Uh, darling? Whose skirt is that?" Both looked at the crumpled black mini-skirt, tossed on top of one of Graverobber's shirts. _Perfect, Kid._ Graverobber suppressed a smirk. _Best place for an annoying partner to see it_. Turning back to Gillian, he half closed his eyes and smiled, putting the young woman in mind of a crocodile.

"It looks too small to fit me, so at a guess, I'd say it's Shilo's. You know, the girl I live with."

Shilo suppressed a sigh. Useless had followed her home again, trailing her like a lost puppy. She was aware on some level that the boy had a name, but she could never remember it, feeling much happier with a name that described his abilities. So, Useless it was.

She'd been out looking for Graverobber in an attempt to ditch the annoying sissy, but no such luck. And now it was time to head for bed, and Useless seemed to think that he was invited. Glaring at nothing, with Useless sticking right behind her, Shilo unlocked the front door and allowed them both through.

"Don't get any ideas about me liking you," she snapped irritably. "I just don't want you standing outside my gate all night again." That had been hard to explain to the neighbours, though Graverobber had found it hilarious. "You can sleep up here."

Starting to climb the stairs, noises started to filter through the house. Shilo paused for a moment, then smiled. Graverobber's deep rumble, too quiet to hear the actual words, and some girl's shrieks of anger. Something about… him being a cheating, lying bastard. _Well, can't say I disagree with that_, Shilo thought to herself.

Noting the discarded shirt on the floor, Shilo followed the noise to one of the spare bedrooms. Useless seemed to be following her still, but she wasn't interested. Graverobber wasn't in the habit of bringing his sexual partners home – neither was she – so Shilo was intensely curious. As she neared the door to one of Graverobber's claimed rooms, an obviously angry young woman stormed out and almost ran straight into her.

"What's this?" Shilo couldn't help laughing. "Graverobber, is this yours?"

"How dare you!" Gillian screamed, looking like a two-year-old throwing a tantrum. "He's mine! You're just a housemate, just a child! He's MINE!"

Graverobber poked his head out of the room and graced Shilo with a large smile. "Hey, Kid, wasn't expecting you." _Liar_, Shilo thought. "C'mere, Gilly seems a little confused as to who I'm currently screwing."

Groaning inwardly, Shilo bounced up to her housemate and held her breath as he kissed her. She hated the smell of his coat, all blood and drugs and sweat. They were both consummate actors though, and happily gave off the image of a couple very much in lust with each other.

At a howl of outrage, the two broke apart and looked at Gillian. She had turned and was stomping down the stairs, screaming that this was all Shilo's fault, that it wasn't fair. Still with her hands in the fur of Graverobber's coat, Shilo whistled. "Damn, she's got quite the voice. Sounds like Amber in a rage."

Graverobber nodded, a goofy smile on his face. The sappy-looking boy who'd come in with Shilo was leaving too, which was good. His stomach chose that moment to remind him that he hadn't eaten in quite a while. "Shall we eat, Kid?"

"Yeah, I think there's some leftover Chinese in the fridge."

"Excellent."

As Shilo and Graverobber sat next to each other in the kitchen, stealing from each other's plate, Shilo reflected on her strange living arrangement. Ever since the Opera, her world had opened up in ways she'd never suspected. Take her friendship with Graverobber.

He'd moved in after she'd confessed to still having nightmares, and they'd fallen into an odd sort of relationship – part guardian/ward, part lovers, and part friends. The potential for spectacular fights was there, though it never seemed to occur to either of them to be jealous. They bickered and traded one-liners, and supported each other to the hilt on any insane plans that they came up with. She was also comfortable talking to him about anything, and Graverobber himself seemed to have no concept of what subjects were or weren't acceptable in polite society.

"Y'know," Graverobber declared as he pushed his plate away, "I'm horny now."

"Arguments always make you horny," Shilo shrugged as she gathered the dishes. "Why didn't you have sex with her first? Then you wouldn't be in this dilemma."

"It's not a dilemma. There's an easy way to alleviate the problem."

"Yeah, Mrs Palm and her five lovely daughters."

"Nah, not in the mood for that."

"Really? I thought you were always in the mood for that."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah? Come on, then."

Shilo smiled as Graverobber bit her neck hard enough to draw blood. Sure, it wasn't a conventional relationship – but unconventional was a lot more fun.


End file.
